Top 10 Funny Brad Paisley Songs
'I'm Gonna Miss Her'
"Well, I love her ... but I love to fish." The song's opening line says it all. Brad's second No. 1, which topped the charts in 2002, is a sarcastic love story about a man who is forced to choose between the woman he loves and the pastime he can't live without. As the title implies, the gilled-beauties win out, but that doesn't mean he doesn't question the decision. "There's a chance that if I hurry, I could beg her to stay." However, the story ends with "I'm gonna miss her / Oh, lookey there, I've got a bite." Adding to the fun for the video, Brad's then-girlfriend (and now wife) Kimberly Williams portrayed the singer's jilted lover. Since we all know how the story really played out, we'll give the fish this one win only.
In recent years, the celebrity spotlight has evoked some outrageous behavior. For his 'Mud On the Tires' album, Brad gave would-be reality stars a range of activities they could blame "on the fame." He covers it all: "sue my dad," "wreck a Ferrari on my way to rehab," "throw a major fit when my latte isn't just how I like it," "get community service, no matter which law I break" and most importantly, "have marriages that barely last a month." Does all this sound appealing? Well then, "hitch up the wagons and head out West to the land of fun in the sun / We'll be 'Real World,' 'Bachelor,' 'Jackass' millionaires / Hey, hey, Hollywood, here we come!
What would happen if the biggest movie star in the country met the most-famous person in a tiny rural town? Meet Kurt. He's wearing someone else's greasy shirt, and the closest he's "been to Hollywood is Dollywood." He's got a thing for Ashley Judd, and he "threw the winning touchdown pass the night that we won State." Granted, he doesn't know what movie you've been in, but he thought he "recognized that name on your credit card." The result of your meeting? "When you get back to Beverly Hills, you can tell all your buddies, you met one of the most famous people in the country."
This father of two has never been afraid to tackle the tough subjects, and that doesn't exclude the epidemic of people who are living alternate lives on the Internet. He understands the plight of the overweight, "sci-fi fanatic, mild asthmatic," Pizza Pit employee who still lives at home with his parents. He relates to someone who changes their online profile to say, "I live in Malibu / I pose for Calvin Kline / I've been in in GQ / I'm single and I'm rich / And I've got a set of six-pack abs that would blow your mind." Who wouldn't want to be "so much cooler online?"
'It Never Woulda Worked Out Anyway'
What's the best way to get a girl's attention? Scare away all her other suitors, of course. How so? He could tell the "doctor you were dating that you hide your wedding band," or "that lawyer that you spent a year in jail," or "that dentist you had seven little kids and you double as a dancer at the strip joint on the ridge." But as Brad so eloquently explains on his debut album, 'Who Needs Pictures,' it really isn't his fault: "Even if I am responsible for scaring him away / You really ought to thank me / I was doing you a favor / It never woulda worked out anyway."
Prior to this song's release in 2000, being rejected after using a pick-up line was a bummer. 'Me Neither' taught bachelors nationwide a cunning way to respond to a 'no.' "Would you like to go and grab a bite eat? / Me neither / It's nice to finally meet a girl who doesn't move too fast / I was only checking, that's the reason that I asked." While the guitar-slinger strikes out with the girl in the song, he does find the upside: "This has been a waste of time / And I'm running out of lines / Don't you think it's time for me to end this song? / Me neither."
Finally, a man who gets it! "It's not who wears the pants, it's who wears the skirt," Brad sings on this track from his 2009 release, 'American Saturday Night,' taking on the macho man who "don't take orders" and does as he "damn well please." The singer-songwriter reminds said man that no matter how strong he is, he'll never fit into those undergarments "with the lacy frill," and there's nothing he can do when "that woman has a headache and sits there with her legs crossed." You tell 'em, Brad.
In 2005, this Belmont University graduate wrote the ultimate drinking song from the perspective of the enabler on his appropriately titled 'Time Well Wasted' album. "I've influenced kings and worlds leaders / I helped Hemingway write like he did / And I'll bet you a drink or two that I can make you / Put that lampshade on your head." The tune tallies up the pros and cons of the beverages from "Milwaukee, Lynchburg and Bordeaux, France," covering everything from "those naked pictures of you at the beach" to "helpin' white people dance."
Getting married? One listen to this song can help you avoid senseless arguments and keep the honeymoon going strong for years to come. OK, that may be a stretch, but in 2003 this then-newlywed, along with friends Dan Aykroyd and Jim Belushi on background vocals, explained how little white lies are all part of the game. What do you say if she really does look chubby in that dress? What if dinner "tastes like bad gravy on a Goodyear tire?" Brad's resolution: "bend the truth." Don't worry, she'll do the same for you. "We all commit a little bit of perjury / But that's no crime if you ask me / That's love."
While Brad's pick-up lines didn't work out for him in 'Me Neither,' by 2007 he had perfected the approach for his '5th Gear' project. "Every time you take a sip in this smokey atmosphere / You press that bottle to your lips / And I wish I was your beer." It doesn't stop there; this time around he gives it a creative, health-conscious country twist. "I'd like to see you out in the moonlight / I'd like to kiss you way back in the sticks / I'd like to walk you through a field of wildflowers / And I'd like to check you for ticks."