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Dolly Parton Jokes: Funny Words of Wisdom From the ‘Dolly-Lama’

Jill Johnson,

“I call myself the ‘Dolly Lama,’ because people are always asking my advice,” Dolly Parton once joked with The Boot. And considering the many words of wit and wisdom she’s given over the years, we can’t think of a better term for her.

Dolly is every friend’s shoulder to cry on and every journalist’s dream, speaking in smart and often sassy “soundbites” that make the story memorable. She’s had so many funny one-liners through the years that an entire book, The Quotable Dolly, has been dedicated to the icon’s spoken words.

In celebration of today’s (May 1) release of her latest movie, “Joyful Noise” on DVD, The Boot presents our Top 10 favorite Dolly Parton jokes, straight from the country legend’s perfectly lined lips.

10. “I wanted to be the first woman to burn her bra, but it would have taken the fire department four days to put it out.”

9. “Home is where I hang my hair.”

8. “It’s a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I’d be a drag queen.”

7. “Find out who you are and do it on purpose!”

6. “When I talk to a man, I can always tell what he’s thinking by where he’s looking. If he’s looking at my eyes, he’s looking for intelligence. If he’s looking at my mouth, he’s looking for wisdom. If he’s looking anywhere else except my chest, he’s looking for another man.”

5. “It takes a lot of time and money to look this cheap.”

4. “If I see something saggin’, baggin’, or draggin’, I’m gone have it nipped, tucked, or sucked!”

3. “They think I’m simpleminded because I seem to be happy. Why shouldn’t I be happy? I have everything I ever wanted and more. Maybe I am simpleminded. Maybe that’s the key: simple.”

2. “I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes, because I know I’m not dumb … and I also know that I’m not blonde.”

1. “That I can look totally artificial and be totally real is perfectly fine with me.”

Dolly Dishes Advice, Talks New DVD

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